On Being Offended

I feel the need to relate a personal experience. This post is mainly for me to put my feelings down in print, but I hope that it will have meaning to someone that reads it as well as I feel strongly that it needs to be written.

In the recent months the Lord has been teaching me about being offended, whether it is myself being offended or someone that I have offended. I have learned a lot about forgiveness through this (a post for another time) but I have been particularly  touched by a talk given by David A Bednar entitled And Nothing Shall Offend Them. It talks more about  people not going to church because the have been offended but really can be applied to any type of situation involving offense.

Bednar makes the point that by not going to church because of being offended, a person can miss out on blessings that the Lord has in store for them. Such as the blessings of the sacrament and the priesthood. The same can be said for withdrawing ourselves from a relationship with a person with whom we have been offended. I have done this myself and have recently been on the receiving end of the withdrawal. When you remove yourself from the presence of a person, you are also removing yourself from a situation where you have the potential to be blessed by the same person.

No person can offend another person, simply because being offended is a choice. You can do everything right, but a person who is looking to be offended will be offended. Bednar states:

... Believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else... We have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice... To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon.

The same goes with trying to make right an offense. You can do all in your power to right a wrong, but a person determined to be offended and remain from your presence still has the choice to do so. This has been a hard thing for me to realize as when I offend someone I really want to make it right because I feel this nagging in the back of my mind when a relationship with a friend or family member is in turmoil. But I have had to step back and realize that I cannot "make" someone forgive me but rather have to do all that I can do deserve forgiveness and rest easy knowing that it is the person's choice ultimately.

The scriptures state about offense: (Matthew 5: 43-44, 46-48)

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. …For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. 

It is difficult to choose to not be offended, but even harder to choose to love those that offended you. But you can see that one truly leads to the other, for if you choose not to be offended then what reason have you to not love?

I choose to act; I choose to not be offended easily; I choose to forgive; and I most importantly choose to love.

What are you going to choose?

Something to think about :)